Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize