somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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