Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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