You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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