Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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