New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
