Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
