man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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