You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is my gift to your gina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
