go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
