Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.

Fav 11 4359 1125
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(740): View more from Ohio

Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.

Fav 2 1728 852
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(253): View more from Washington

I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.

Fav 1 576 482
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..

Fav 3 13 46
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(319): View more from Iowa

Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?

Fav 0 49 19
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