the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
