can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
