I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
