Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
