I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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