I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
