last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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