toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
