I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
