This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
