and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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