He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
