My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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