god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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