life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
