I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
