I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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