end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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