There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
