I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
