Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
