If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize