i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
