fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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