I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
