Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
