there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
