i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
