Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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