i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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