You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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