I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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