i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
