I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
