Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
