Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the day after is always just damage control
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
