you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
