im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
