Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Panties = found
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
