Can Purell be used as lube?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
