She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
