Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
