U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
