from now on my penis is your penis
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
