Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
God, I missed his penis.
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