M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
