The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
