There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
