You made me cry and you don't even care
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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