I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
