I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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