You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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