why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
