forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
