my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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