Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
