dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
