Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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