i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
