Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
