i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize