I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize