I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
