Will you blow on my dice?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
