Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
