i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
