Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
