I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
