my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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