I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how drunk are you?
Several
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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