he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
