Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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