you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
