I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
