i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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