You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
