i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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