I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
