My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
