I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love having hate sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
