we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize