Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
