no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
