3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
