Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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