if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
